Stress

What stresses you out?

This life-pondering question was posed to me by Mia last week. Jacob started out by asking D if he had ever felt stressed when.....and that led to a bunch of question of what stresses us out.

I only named a few things, the usual making sure you're okay, school, abuelita getting older -- and then she interrupts me and says, "finding a job." YES! Yes, Mia, finding a job does stress me out.

As does your dad's job and how the California position came open and how we're not going to apply for it because it's not a good time for Jacob and how hopefully the person that gets it will retire in about five years and then we can revisit -- which means that even if he did apply for it he may not get it because the lady that might apply for it and retire in five years is good. We know, it was his first boss here in Washington -- but I don't know if five years from now will be a good time either (five is a very vague number we're using). Will there ever be a good time? Or is the time now?

Right. Now. When she's going into just first grade and he's going to middle school and will be faced with all kinds of changes anyway?

Do I really want to move to Sacramento? I don't even want to go there to visit this summer what makes me think I want to live there permanently?

And, I've gone off the deep end. But. alas...it's almost time for piano lessons, so my time to ponder is over.

What stresses you out?

EVERY. THING!

EVERY. FUCKIN'. THING.

Does that answer your question?

Jobbing

We're 2 weeks out from the last day of school. Mia is heading to 1st grade and for the first time since becoming a mother, I will have two kids in school full time. What am I going to do with myself? I think I'm going to get a job. I want to start off small -- something at the school while the kids are there -- and see how that goes.

Right now I'm in the process of applying at the school district and everything is so difficult. I had to ask my boss from 12 years ago for a reference. Really? She probably has no idea what kind of a worker I was anymore. And then I have to navigate the computer/PDF/email files. I thought computers were supposed to make life easier? Not mine.

Finding a job is a job in itself!

Open Mouth -- Insert Foot

Today is one of those days where I should just keep my mouth shut. Don't get me wrong, I piss people off on a pretty regular basis, and that's okay. It's the days that you feel like you hurt somebody's feelings or simply crossed the line just a tad with your words; those are the days that kill me!

I won't document my shortcomings because I don't want to have to relive them. Let's just say that one had me in tears and the other has me feeling just plain stupid.

And on that note, I'm going to shut my mouth and clean house.

That is all!

What the What?

Sooooo, I peed my pants yesterday. And not while running either which is a frequent occurrence. Nope, I went for a walk while Mia was at ballet and because I'm trying so hard to drink my water to log into my FitBit, I rushed into the bathroom and squatted. Next thing I knew there was something warm running down my leg! I looked and the top of the toilet was down which caused the pee to splatter. YUK! Luckily I caught it before it got too bad. I wiped everything down with TP and called it a day. So I guess technically I didn't pee my pants, I peed my leg and the top of the toilet and the floor of a public bathroom...What the What?

My hot-mess contribution for today happened when a couple of the moms and I were working on a project for teacher appreciation. I kept looking out the window to see if the bus was here. Nope...went back to work. Looked again....nope....back to work. Looked again...see back of bus driving off...run to try and catch it...nope! So I got in the car and drove to the school. Right as I pulled in I got the call that the bus had driven by twice to no avail. What the What??? Mia was in the office waiting patiently and all was right with the world.

Except for the bus driver. She's not right with the world. Why in the heck did she not call me? The other guy used to all the time when I was one second late getting to the door! Ugh.

Grace. Grace. Good Lord, give me Grace!

Fifty to Fifty

I am fifty weeks out from turning 50. I am a Fabu-Something!

This space was set up a long time ago with the intent to start writing, and today seems like a good starting point. I feel like all of the fives fives should mean something: not only is it 50 weeks to 50 but it's also 5-5-15. What, it means, I don't know, but I like it. I like it a lot.

I had my first appointment with my therapist (it seems weird that I have a therapist). It was originally set up for next Tuesday but there was a cancellation and they called me to take the spot. It all fits perfectly because one of my goals before 50 is to get it together! It felt so good to talk to somebody.

In addition to talking to her, I hope to be here often to just ramble about life, parenthood, autism. aging, and anything else that may pop up in this very busy mind of mine.